An Unfinished Story

My website and blogs are often light-hearted, fun and full of lifestyle tips. But every so often I feel compelled to write something a little more personal.
I find it difficult to write my truth sometimes because of how vulnerable it makes me feel, but on the other side of fear is often something beautiful. So today I am sharing something a bit more personal in hopes that someone who reads this will feel a sense of hope in their own unfinished story.

A question or comment I often find in my inbox is “How do you stay positive through it all” (it all referring to my back injury, parenting through chronic pain, constant guilt and having physical setbacks at any given moment). My answer, in it’s simplest form is, my faith in God and that He is on my side.

I am currently reading a book where the author writes “God loves me too much to answer my prayers at any other time than the right time and in any other way than the right way”. Take a moment and let that settle into your soul. For the past eighteen months I have continued to declare that although I continue to pray for a miracle in my body, I know that every single day I am made stronger physically, mentally and emotionally - and for that I celebrate. I am able to find peace and joy and thankfulness knowing that there is a much bigger picture and story here, one that I cannot see right now, and that’s okay!

This doesn’t mean that I am smiling all the time. Just last week I sat alone at my kitchen table crying into my hands because I felt so guilting and sad that my physical setback was keeping me from my son. At times I am angry, I am frustrated and I question ‘why’ (I could tell you a thousand more stories just like this).

This season of life has taught me that having faith in a God who heals, protects and brings joy and peace, all while having mini breakdowns is okay. It doesn’t have to be one or the other. At the end of the day, sometimes my tears and my frustration are my prayers when I just don’t have the words to speak.

I know that I am not called to be perfect. I know that I will cry, and feel sadness, anger and confusion at times. I know there will be days when I want to give up and lay in bed and shut out the world. The author of the book I mentioned above also wrote, “I am imperfect because I am unfinished”. How amazing is that? To think that my story is unfinished. My story, my journey, my healing is nowhere near being finished. Just writing that, imagining the possibilities, brings joy and excitement to my heart!

This is how I choose to stay positive. Believing that in God’s timing I will be healed. Believing that I am unfinished. And choosing, even on the worst of days, with my head in my tear soaked hands, that I have so much to be grateful for.